Note: For the sake of continuity and the safety of the participants, both the plot and the names of characters in this story have been changed. No cats (real or fictitious) were harmed in the writing of this story. It all started 16 years ago when we (by “we,” I mean my wife) told ourContinue reading “You can’t sell a cat on eBay (or at a garage sale).”
Tag Archives: humor
Church discipline: Our four heads were smacked together like Dominoes.
As an adult, my temptation is to be stiff and rational in my worship while inwardly judging the motives or sincerity of others who don’t worship the same as I do. (I’m great at judging others — it’s kind of a spiritual gift.) One of my brothers recently reminded me of worship times in ourContinue reading “Church discipline: Our four heads were smacked together like Dominoes.”
Sixth grade: Green bell bottom pants and a three-legged dog.
The lessons I remember from childhood are lessons from relationships, not from textbooks or math scores. When I was in sixth grade, a couple dozen of neighborhood kids ages six-to-twelve spent our days in and out of each other’s yards, playing softball and tag, and hitting each other with sticks. On summer evenings, when theContinue reading “Sixth grade: Green bell bottom pants and a three-legged dog.”
Lessons in forgiveness: I punched Bobby in the gut and he danced.
When I was in elementary school, I learned the art of punching people in the gut. I was a very little guy, so I probably aimed for the gut because the nose was too high for me to reach. I didn’t like fights, mind you, but in elementary school there were times when my angerContinue reading “Lessons in forgiveness: I punched Bobby in the gut and he danced.”
The strength to get up: Lessons I’ve learned from sledding.
I love snow! When I was a kid we rode snowmobiles at an uncle’s farm one winter. I remember flying through the snow and hitting bumps that would knock whoever was in the back (usually me) into a drift, only to be found later when the person driving thought to turn around. For fun closerContinue reading “The strength to get up: Lessons I’ve learned from sledding.”
The carnival ride: What vomiting on others taught me about grace.
One sunny summer day when I was about ten years old, my brother Spartacus, a neighbor kid, and I walked to the town carnival. Upon arrival we arm-wrestled to see who would choose the first ride. After great embarrassment on my part, it was decided that the first ride for all of us (unknowingly, theContinue reading “The carnival ride: What vomiting on others taught me about grace.”
Silly Sally and the tricycle: The long good-bye
Saying “good-bye” to relatives is awkward, especially if you like them. And the feeling after the good-bye is dull, almost numb, inside. When I was five years old, my mom, my three brothers, and I took a long trip to Rhode Island to see Mom’s relatives for an extended visit. It was a fun vacationContinue reading “Silly Sally and the tricycle: The long good-bye”
My brother would make irreverent motions and farting sounds during the best Christmas songs.
Back in THE DAY, kids of all ages and abilities were forced to be part of the church Christmas pageant. Even if the kid could neither sing nor act, or was in the habit of wetting him or herself in public, he or she was still part of the pageant. And, of course, being partContinue reading “My brother would make irreverent motions and farting sounds during the best Christmas songs.”
Sammy was whacking whoever got in his way and shouting “figgy pudding” loud and clear for all to hear.
The other day I observed a little five-year-old boy angrily strutting around the room with chest thrust out and fists clenched. While others were quietly playing Sammy (not his real name) was throwing toys, whacking who ever got in his way, and shouting “figgy pudding” (not his actual words) loud and clear for all toContinue reading “Sammy was whacking whoever got in his way and shouting “figgy pudding” loud and clear for all to hear.”
There’s nothing like having Baby Jesus jabbed up your nose to put you in the Christmas spirit.
When my brothers and I were kids there were two things we could always count on for Christmas: cologne and soap-on-a-rope from the Avon Lady (real name). The cool thing about cologne at age seven was the authentic artistic decanter it came in. My older brothers typically got cologne in guitar or car-shaped decanters, whileContinue reading “There’s nothing like having Baby Jesus jabbed up your nose to put you in the Christmas spirit.”
Hey kid, Santa needs his coffee break! ~or~ The Care Bears smell like cigarettes.
For a short time in college, I had a job as a mall security cop. This was a long time before mall cops rode Segways, so my job required a lot of walking in and out of corridors and was, essentially, pretty dull. I was a small guy and security cop uniforms only came inContinue reading “Hey kid, Santa needs his coffee break! ~or~ The Care Bears smell like cigarettes.”
Two of them were knocked down on top of me, wedging me deep into the snow. King of the Mountain.
School cancellations for snow days seldom happened in northeast South Dakota in the 1960s. It wasn’t a full day, but actually more like an hour early dismissal. My three older brothers and I hiked the one-mile trek home in hip-deep snow. Us Roso boys were all about danger and peril so at a time whenContinue reading “Two of them were knocked down on top of me, wedging me deep into the snow. King of the Mountain.”
Calvin Roso | Stories 