Dirty Santas and awkward gifts.

If played correctly, the Dirty Santa gift exchange is a hoot-and-half. The idea is that you bring prank gifts to your party and trade back and forth until you end up whacking everyone in the room and leaving with the coolest prank gift that you can then bring to another Dirty Santa party. A coupleContinue reading “Dirty Santas and awkward gifts.”

Sammy was whacking whoever got in his way and shouting “figgy pudding” loud and clear for all to hear.

The other day I observed a little five-year-old boy angrily strutting around the room with chest thrust out and fists clenched. While others were quietly playing Sammy (not his real name) was throwing toys, whacking who ever got in his way, and shouting “figgy pudding” (not his actual words) loud and clear for all toContinue reading “Sammy was whacking whoever got in his way and shouting “figgy pudding” loud and clear for all to hear.”

There’s nothing like having Baby Jesus jabbed up your nose to put you in the Christmas spirit.

When my brothers and I were kids there were two things we could always count on for Christmas: cologne and soap-on-a-rope from the Avon Lady (real name). The cool thing about cologne at age seven was the authentic artistic decanter it came in. My older brothers typically got cologne in guitar or car-shaped decanters, whileContinue reading “There’s nothing like having Baby Jesus jabbed up your nose to put you in the Christmas spirit.”

Big Ugly Truck Guy parked illegally in a mini-me lot.

Why does it matter to me where Big Ugly Truck Guy (his real name) parks? I typically stop at Starbucks 3-4 days a week on my way to work and purchase a tall (not the real size) dark roast coffee. “No room for cream and may I have a ‘stopper,’ please?” The barista (coffee person)Continue reading “Big Ugly Truck Guy parked illegally in a mini-me lot.”

Hey kid, Santa needs his coffee break! ~or~ The Care Bears smell like cigarettes.

For a short time in college, I had a job as a mall security cop.  This was a long time before mall cops rode Segways, so my job required a lot of walking in and out of corridors and was, essentially, pretty dull.  I was a small guy and security cop uniforms only came inContinue reading “Hey kid, Santa needs his coffee break! ~or~ The Care Bears smell like cigarettes.”

Editing blogs to rewrite history — the ever reluctant troll

No matter what I say on the Internet, I can always delete it. If I delete quickly, no one will ever even know that I was in a bad mood, or hated someone’s facebook rant, or was trying to give our cats away online. (By the way, I have two elderly cats for free. EmailContinue reading “Editing blogs to rewrite history — the ever reluctant troll”

Accounting for kids at Christmas time.

I met this random lady out walking yesterday and we had a brief conversation. “What do you do for work?” “I work at T–s ‘R Us [store name edited for anonymity]” she said. “Well thanks for what you do for kids,” I responded. “I do accounting there. But when I’m all done each day IContinue reading “Accounting for kids at Christmas time.”

Why I started a blog and I grew up in Paris.

It all started when I gave Jesus a ride to work the other day (see December 9 blog). What I learned about my own shortcomings through this man was something I needed to share and it needed to be a little longer than 140 characters. Once it was written down I realized how much IContinue reading “Why I started a blog and I grew up in Paris.”

Two of them were knocked down on top of me, wedging me deep into the snow. King of the Mountain.

School cancellations for snow days seldom happened in northeast South Dakota in the 1960s. It wasn’t a full day, but actually more like an hour early dismissal. My three older brothers and I hiked the one-mile trek home in hip-deep snow. Us Roso boys were all about danger and peril so at a time whenContinue reading “Two of them were knocked down on top of me, wedging me deep into the snow. King of the Mountain.”

Making room. Why Grandma’s visits were never a pain.

Grandma would come and visit every couple of years or so when I was a kid. . . .   One day we all packed in the car and drove to the small regional airport and watched Grandma climb out of the plane onto the tarmac.  There she was in with red hair sticking out ofContinue reading “Making room. Why Grandma’s visits were never a pain.”

I gave Jesus a ride to work today. He told me he worked at 61st and Peoria selling cigarettes.

I gave Jesus a ride to work today.  When he got in my car he introduced himself as “Marcus” but I knew he was Jesus.  He told me he worked at 61st and Peoria selling cigarettes.  I was on my way to work and saw him walking on the street in the cold.  I wasContinue reading “I gave Jesus a ride to work today. He told me he worked at 61st and Peoria selling cigarettes.”